A Taste of Independence, is it Merdeka?
I recall being on ANA Airlines, thinking “I don’t have any plans, really.” Well, I did, but I haven’t really written it down in detail. The places I wanted to go, the goals I wanted to reach, I didn’t have any sort of detailed plan in mind.
Doing my 在留カード was the first time I got the taste of bureaucracy without my parents’ guidance by my side. With my broken N3 level Japanese, I waltzed through the process, in a matter of minutes, I’m already 留学生 in status.
Moving in wasn’t easy. A spread of documents, wads of cash in hand for rent and groceries, carrying heavy kitchen appliances from Daiso in the middle of the Spring rain at night, stranded, alone. Eventually coming home, grateful to have a roof over my head. Cooking Malaysian food, using pastes packed by my mother, it’s the closest I’ll ever feel to having my grandmother’s meals, or mamak breakfasts, or lunches at warung tepi jalan, dinner at kedai akak Tomyam. Yearning for accessible meals whilst I whip out recipes from eyeballing and memory, in a hindsight, I’ve lost some weight.
I recall the random 突然 encounters in the train. An old lady I met on Odakyu Line complimented my outfit, whom reminded me of the makcik I met in MRT Kajang Line whom ever so kindly started a small talk with me. Another being, 11-year-old girl I met in the Kodama Shinkansen whom talked nonstop with me. As well as, the girl a year older than me whom I met on the Chuo Line, came to accompany me for Isyak at Tokyo Camii, willingly. I’ll never forget the lady whom guided me when I got on the wrong station. I’ll always believe that God made us cross paths, like the threads in a tapestry.
From being passenger princess, eating Grab Food every now and then, to commuting by train and cooking almost every day. I was at the mercy of Malaysian tax-payers’ money in order to survive in the land of the rising sun. I bear this responsibility of paying back my loans. I am absolutely not on vacation!
From here, I truly realise the gravity of my position. Truth be told, it is indeed a privilege envied by many. Hence, something within me, the desire to prove something to motherland is beginning to bloom. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, ground-breaking or revolutionary. The bloom of hope in wanting to give back to my homeland, even if it’s just a little. In return, with the hopes of being tended to even past my seedling times.
Tanah tumpah darahku.